The Breast Blog: How to Become a Breast Health Ambassador - Chapter One / Change
The weather in Guelph is psychotic. Today, it's snowing and minus 5C/22 F. Yesterday, it was raining, plus 10C/50F. Wednesday, I told you about the freezing rain. The constant change in weather conditions is good mental floss. Keeps us on our toes.
Of course, not everyone notices the changes in weather. Believe it or not, during the freezing rain, our police had to close one of our major streets due to the number of accidents...people simply slid off the road because they failed to remember that cars don't stop on ice. These are adults who drive cars every day and live in this country, with this weather, year in and year out.
People are capable of being wise and yet there are so many examples of unwise behaviour all around us.
Wisdom requires courage. Courage requires bravery. Bravery requires daily encouragement and action. Daily action requires commitment. And all this takes intention. Do you want to treat your life like an event not to be missed or a boring obligation to get through?
I spent weeks on end facing squirming classrooms of kids, hollering like Tarzan. At first I shook with fear. Visible shaking. Which I would point out to the kids so they knew that what I was asking them to do was difficult. But eventually, yelling with wild abandon grew incredibly easy. And it fueled other behaviour in myself that helped me step up to the plate and try new stuff. I grew more alive and even more daring in my creative approach. My life became much more fun.
Being a model in the Breast of Canada calendar further changed the way I felt about my body.
Using the deadly act of comparing myself to others, I noted I did not have a Hollywood physic. Nor did I have the magazine issue breast style that are advertised everywhere I looked. I failed to notice how limited these body and breast sizes and shapes where. I simply wanted what was advertised.
In fact, my impression of how I looked was totally false. I could not see my own beauty. I only saw the beauty in others. In my twenties and well into my thirties I constantly dieted thinking I was too big. For 'what' I'm not sure.
It struck me one day, in fact it really was a striking sort of experience, that the problem wasn't my size. Rather it was my insecurity about my size. I was measuring myself against every image that I saw. And I saw no one that looked like me. This was a beginning for a new belief about myself that I was the author of.
I walked into my bathroom, picked up the weigh scales and threw them out. End of dieting. And the beginning of the end of feeling insecure about my body.
Modeling challenged even deeper issues. Showing my body to the photographer was enough to set my heart rate up. Being published in 20,000 calendars increased my anxiety considerably. And then, having my image hang on a wall for a month, god knows where, with people scrutinizing my breasts.....was almost over the top for me.
Ahhhhh, but the reward for my courage has been well worth the effort.
Now, I love my breasts. And I take increasingly good care of my over all body. The same breasts and body that I didn't want for years. I'm the same person. The difference is, now I see myself more clearly. And all the energy I wasted not liking myself is now available for much pleasureable activities. Not to mention peace of mind....the glorious peace of mind that comes from satisfaction with what is.
Side bar. The other nifty thing I learned thanks to being brave, is that much of the fear I felt going into the experience of modeling/hollering or whatever was fake. My fear was made up by my mind and not based on anything real.
My mind, given the chance, will try to run my life. Likely the fine Guelphites that found themselves sliding into the ditch on Wednesday, were only using their heads. They thought themselves into their problem. If they had engaged their other instincts, they would have stayed home.
We need to use our hearts and our guts (intuition) to get the full picture of what is going on in our world/the world. Thinking comes in handy. But true wisdom includes feeling from our souls.